This "Existing" Thing

I DON'T KNOW WHICH IS THE NIGHTMARE--THE ONE I'M WAKING UP FROM, OR THE ONE I'M WAKING UP TO...
(sigh)

No, there's no drama going on here. No EMO factor. Just plain words. Just plain thoughts. Straight right out of my head. It's all me. JUST ME.

I don't really know about the others. But I've always had this "just existing, not living" sort of thing. It's not a day-to-day dilemma. But it's just this feeling that comes every once in awhile. When I sit back, and sigh. And I look at the world, as if through a kaleidoscope. It's like a continuum of shapes and patterns and colors... And I can't find reason for the shapes, and the patterns, and the colors.

It just feels like existence is so...FUTILE.

Something is lacking. Something is not right. Maybe something is just out of place. Either way, there's something wrong.

Make no mistake. There IS something wrong...if one can't find meaning for living.

No, it's not about dying. Or wanting to die. It's about wanting to live but not finding enough reason to want it. It's just it. Existence, and the futility of it.

but just like any other feeling... it passes.
i'm sure. i mean, it has to..