where was i?

Sometimes we feel superhuman. Sometimes we feel extraordinary, and strong, and confident. Yeah, there are those times. Those times when we feel so sure...so sure that we almost have everything figured out. Until we stop. One full stop. And the feeling goes away. The confidence fade in the background as a familiar confusion takes over. And the "almost everything" we thought we figured out turns out to be absolutely nothing at all.

We find ourselves back to square one.

All it took was one confirmation that i am absolutely headed nowhere. Who knew that that confirmation was simply a once-torn-and-now-fixed-but-still-hurting ACL, a pair of crutches, a LOT of bed rest, and a LOT MORE hours of physical inactivity and mental hyperactivity. That's all the confirmation a girl like me needed to start asking myself again for the nth time.."So, WHERE WAS I AGAIN?"

Sigh. Thank god for mobile blogging.

My Fucked Up ACL

I have an ACL injury. yippee..

How bad it is, i don't know yet. I'm getting an MRI.
I'm shocked, and pissed, and depressed, and sad, and sad, and really depressed and my tears are all dried up. It will be awhile before I get to play football again. Or worse, I might not be able to play football as competitively as before. Aw, fuck..

... I'm not really in the mood to write more about it.
I'm really depressed right now. Really upset.

Intersection (1994)

Starring Richard Gere as Vincent Eastman
Sharon Stone as Sally Eastman and
Lolita Davidovich as Olivia Marshak.

It was showing on HBO when I was finishing my previous post so I was a bit distracted. But I forced myself to divide my attention and watch it because it was one of those Richard Gere films that I haven't watched. And what can I say, Gere's ma baby. :D

Anyway, the movie started at the end, where Richard Gere was about to get into an accident, and the whole plot unfolded through a series of flashbacks. It was very dramatic and all tied up in knots.

Vincent Eastman is in a dilemma choosing between Sally, his wife of already 16 years, and Olivia, a new love interest that he was slowly but surely falling in love with. This is basically the heart of it all, the main point that the story revolves around. It was basically about the decisions we make in life and in love. It doesn't go any deeper than that. Life is short, and sometimes decisions don't have to be as complicated as we make them to be. Sometimes the good decisions are the most irrational ones. And sometimes it doesn't even matter how irrational they may be, what matters is that it's what makes us happy.

It was a struggle for Vincent who to choose. He was married, but he wasn't happy. He was in a conflict. He didn't know how to get out of it. Somewhere in the middle of it, he even wrote a letter to Olivia saying that it wasn't going to work. But he never mailed it.

Towards the end of the movie, Vincent and Olivia gets into a fight where it eventually leads to their break up. He drives around a little bit more, and eventually comes into a profound realization that it really was Olivia that he wanted to be with and spend the rest of his life with. I especially loved that scene when he made a call to Olivia and basically poured out what he really felt and what he should have already told her. He proposed to her and asked her to meet him at this certain place.

The ending is my favorite. The movie held up its one last twist for the end. He then drove out to meet Olivia, driving at around 80-100, and then we go back to where it all began. He got into a car accident. He was rushed into a hospital. And he never made it out...

Sally, being his wife, received his belongings. And among those was the letter that Vincent wrote to Olivia ending their relationship. The last scene was when Olivia and Sally ran into each other outside the hospital. They merely acknowledged each other, and gave their condolences, but neither mentioned the letter that she read, nor the marriage proposal that she got. In the end, Vincent died happy finally able to make the choice that he really wanted, and both women believing that it was her that Vincent chose.

The movie actually received a rather bad review, with Sharon Stone receiving a Razzie Award for Worst Actress. I think the movie deserves a bit more credit than the reviews and critics gave it.

Only Richard Gere could pull off the unfaithful husband bit making both women happy in the end. Haha.

Oh and I was actually surprised to see little Jennifer Morrison in this film as Gere's 13-year old daughter. She still has that fierce look about her when she's in a serious mood which we all see so much of in House M.D. :) And if I'm not mistaken, Intersection is actually her film debut.

Dystopia

The world that we live in is ugly just as it is beautiful. "How can something so beautiful be equally just as ugly?" I find myself asking the world. I find myself asking God. I find myself asking myself.

No one answers.

This is how we are structured to be. We all have our so-called functions in this interplay of things. This is what they tell me..that things are the way they are JUST BECAUSE. We have to accept it--our past, present and future situations are all merely consequences of social patterns and social norms.

We all dream of a utopia. Of course. What else can be expected when we live in such a dystopic society where things, no matter how beautiful, are still evil, harsh and horrid...

There is poverty at every corner. There is starvation under the bridge. There are deaths by the hour. Tears fall with self-pity. Can you just imagine? Do we even dare imagine? There are houses merely standing, nearly tumbling. And the spirits of those who live in them, almost crumbling. Is this the social pattern we have to accept JUST BECAUSE? It this what the social norms call for?

Hopelessness, deprivation, misery,... with all these, you have to ask: where do I stand?

Contrary to the lives we lead, if we are fortunate enough to belong to the upper part of the social hierarchy, are we really spared from it all? We may be lucky enough to be born at a social advantage, or maybe lucky enough to have risen from disadvantage. But are we really spared?

We may not know it, but we thrive at others' disadvantage. This is why we are the advantaged. The gap becomes bigger and bigger, everyone is busy trying to get ahead. Who's bothering to bridge the gap? The rich becomes richer, the poor just becomes poorer... this is our world. And utopia will merely just be the ideal society, and will merely stay an idea.

SAW 5

SAW 5 is COMING OUT. Jigsawwww is BACKKKKKKKKK.
Eeep. I'm uber excited. Definitely one of the movies to look forward to.

Directed by David Hackl
Written by Patrick Melton & Marcus Dunstan



Check out www.saw5.com for more details. :)

So if you guys are avid fans of the SAW film series, you'd know that David Hackl was not the director of the previous films--it was actually Darren Lynn Bouman. But apparently Lionsgate already signed Hackl,who was the production designer of Saw 2, Saw 3 and Saw 4, to direct SAW 5 and 6. There were talks back then on putting Hackl on the helm for Saw 4, but then I guess that didn't push through since it was still Bouman.

Plot details about Saw V and VI has actually been released by producer Marc Berg.

“[We have] six different traps, more gore" he tells Bloody-Disgusting. "People escape one trap, just to get caught in another; it's closer in feel to the original SAW as thematically it’s about teamwork. I am far and away convinced that these are the best traps we have ever had," he explains with a smile.---SOURCE: Bloody Disgusting

It is so amusing how creative they can get with these traps.

Oh and more juice! Hackl revealed that they actually filmed THREE different endings for SAW 5 all of which will be included in their DVD release. Also, Hackl talked about the traps and the person who actually helped him design the grand finale trap. This person, oddly enough, is actually his son.

“A couple of years ago my son Sean, who is now 9-years-old, did a drawing that was hanging in my office throughout the making of SAW III and IV, and that became the design of the trap for this film," Hackl tells us glowing with pride. "Certainly I could show you a drawing by a 7-year-old that would scare you all.”--SOURCE: Bloody Disgusting

Haha. This is rather morbid and sadistic, isn't it? It makes me all the more excited to see how a trap designed by a 7-year old kid scare the shit out of everyone. :D

I remember the first SAW film and it was such a great film. Some of the sequels weren't up to par with the expectations that came with it. I think by far Saw 4 would be the crappiest. I just hope Saw 5 and 6 would be so much better this time.

Bad Day Blues

We've all had our bad days. I don't think there's one person in this whole entire world who has not had at least one bad day. In fact, some of us get it real bad.

Some of us get it SO bad, that it's one bad day after another. And before you know it, it's a bad week. And then it's a bad month. And then the end of the year comes, and we just wish that the New Year would be nicer compared to the bad year that we just had.

I was supposed to entitle this entry as "Remedies for a Bad Day" but then I changed my mind. I didn't want to write about remedies...I mean, I clearly don't know anything about effective remedies. After all, I'm still having a bad week...

Soooo...I don't have any sure cure whenever the bad day blues come attacking. I wish there was though...some universal cure that's sure to turn that frown upside down. No such luck really. But I do try. Just recently, I've noticed certain things that I do whenever I'm having my bad day blues (BDB). I gave it some thought and I realized that it's actually a pattern. My BDB habits!

♥ Drink MILK straight out of the box. I feel silly drinking it right out of the box. And feeling silly is good and lightens my mood. And milk is an awesome comfort food/drink! And besides, we could all use some silliness during a bad day..

♥ I clean the house. I rarely do this. But when the thinking gets tough, the tough gets going and scrubs the floors. I find that when I'm cleaning, I think better or in most cases, I'm just too busy cleaning to even think. And if I do think, I'm probably thinking..."Shit. Pagod na ko. Ayoko na magbunot. Shit. Shit. No, I can do this. Shit talaga." So there. Haha!

♥ Waste cigarettes. I noticed that whenever I'm having a bad day, I tend to smoke my stress away. But what I do is I light up a cig, smoke it half way. Put it out. Throw it away. Light up another one. Half way. Throw it away. And again. And again.

♥ Shopping Therapy. Yep, you got it. I do what any other woman would do when things just don't go right. I SHOP. Big shocker. This rarely fails to cheer me up even for just a while.

♥ I Bake. (Not bakes, okay. Haha.) Anyone who knows me well would know that I only bake when I'm depressed, having a bad day, OR really really really happy (which is rare).

♥ Comfort Undies. I have these cute panty shorts that have bunnies and other weird cartoon animals printed on them. They look silly. And like I said, silly is good. Others have comfort food, I have comfort undies. :p

♥ Peanut butter and Nutella. I noticed that on a normal day, I won't dare make myself a peanut butter and hazelnut spread sandwich. It's so darn unhealthy. But of course, we all have that comfort food we turn to. :D

♥ FOOTBALL. ♥♥♥ There is no better way to relieve stress than be on the field and just release all your stress into that damn ball. Seriously. But I'm real scary on the field when I'm having a bad day..I play extra aggressive. Sports is a great excuse to hurt somebody. :D

♥ Get a futon, sleep in the garden. The intention is to just stay in the garden and lie down. But I end up sleeping.. Staying in a peaceful place helps sometimes.

Hmm. There are so much more like sending text messages to myself, re-arranging my room, drink, put make up on, read in the dark wit a flashlight, comb my hair for an hour, write on my mirror, and yeah..stuff like that. But I find that the basic ones we need to remember to get us through our bad days are these:

♥ FRIENDS. Or even just one. Be with your friends or people your normally enjoy doing nothing with. You don't have to talk. Just tell them you need company. The good ones will talk you through your bad day. But the great ones will walk you through it without even uttering a word. :)

♥ Talk if you need to Talk. If you need to let it out, let it out! Whatever it is that's bothering you, no matter how shallow, voice it out. Complain and whine about it to a friend who's patient enough to listen to you over and over and not get pissed because you won't shut up.

♥ Don't be idle. Find something to do. Even if you're too lazy and bummed out to move..just occupy yourself with something. If you don't want company, then..try counting your hair strands. Or just sleep through it. Being idle gets your mind restless and eventually works you up even more.

♥ Do silly things. Lighten up. It's okay to be a bit retarded and do something silly and stupid like face paint. Or play dress up and be a stripper...or alice in wonderland (if you want it wholesome :p).

LASTLY, and most importantly..
♥ Don't beat yourself up about it.

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I was suppose to post this September 9. But I forgot to post it.. so yeah.
But today's kind of the appropriate day to post it since I'm having a really BAD DAY.

ACCIDENT-PRONE TAFT

I am totally wigged out. Freaked out. I just witnessed what could've been something that happened to my friends and i..

Taft Ave. was relatively quiet today. No traffic, no noisy jeeps honking, no FX drivers trying to snag passengers, no crowds of students rushing to get to their classes, no uber long lines in the train station. Like I said, it was a relatively quiet Saturday in Taft.

There were a few students, like us, who had NSTP classes from 1 to 4.

JP, Mark and I cut class and headed to Brothers' Burger in Malate, splurged our money, ate our hearts out, complained about eating too much. We rushed to get back to DLSU, Andrew Building, because we were only hitching with one of our blockmates for a ride home. We ended up waiting for awhile because Carmen was still in McDonald's eating, so we decided to chill at the parking lot in Sherwood, which was right in front of Andrew. It seemed like any other normal day...we were just teasing each other, talking about silly stuff.

There were a bunch of students who exited Andrew. Bored as we were, we were just staring at everything and everyone since we had a pretty good view of Andrew building and the street and the cars passing. In particular, there were 2 girls who crossed the street from Andrew and then stopped midway as they were waiting for the cars on the opposite lane to pass. They were happy and chirpy, just like any other student who's happy to just get out of the 3-hour NSTP class.

It seemed like any other normal day. But it wasn't. In a split second, an entirely horrid scene unfolded before our eyes. It happened all too quick, but nevertheless replays in my mind all too slow. A scream pierced the quiet air. Split second. And then it was replaced by the sound of what seemed like a tire blowing up. THUMP. Split second. A girl skidded 20 feet from where she and her friend attempted to cross, across the street, just a few feet away from us. The other girl, lay on the other side of the street, just as unconscious as her friend. Split second. It all happened in a bunch of split seconds tied together. A few seconds, before the Starex van retardedly hit the breaks. It was almost as if he didn't realize that he almost killed two people.

I felt everything and nothing. That's the best way to describe it.

I remember cursing, curse after curse. I remember looking at JP, as if to make sure that he saw everything that I did. I remember the guard standing up behind me, stunned, just as we were. In those few seconds, their lives could've easily ended. Complete bullshit. I remember trying to light a cigarette with my shaking hands. I remember tears welling up in my eyes. But that's not what's important. I can't imagine what they would remember...

It almost sounds like a cliche. But LIFE REALLY IS SHORT.

I remember thinking about what they thought when they saw the car rushing towards them. I remember thinking that their parents were about to receive the worst call a parent could ever receive. I remember thinking how it could've been us. I remembered how valuable and yet disposable life can be. At the hands of who, I wonder..God? I suppose. It's what I've been raised to believe. It's what I want to believe.

I hate the driver of the van. I wanted to punch him when he got out of his car. Instead of helping the girls, the first thing he did was rationalize. "They were pushing each other." What a fucking idiot. If I was already a lawyer, I'd put him to jail. Or at least sue him to the last of his every fucking centavo. There is nothing he can say or even do to make up for what he did. Nothing he can say to rationalize that it was somehow the fault of both parties. He was driving in the fast lane at around 60-80kph. Like I said, the streets were quiet. The usual rat race wasn't present on this fateful Saturday. He was driving at high speed, up until he hit the two girls. He did not even swerve. He did not even attempt to hit the breaks. Whatever his reasons were, his driving proves that he did not see the girls. For pete's sake, he pulled up a few feet too far after he hit them. What the fuck was he doing? Texting? Getting a blowjob? That motherfucker. Someone ought to cut off his dick.

Were the two girls at fault? Maybe, maybe not. But we saw them. They were being careful. Probably the big posts of the LRT line gave the driver and the girls a hard time to see each other. But I saw them being careful. When they checked to see whether there were cars, I can only assume they saw the van from afar. Maybe they decided to cross because the van was still pretty far. They probably didn't realize the rate that the van was speeding. Thump. I can still hear the thump. It keeps on replaying in my mind like a broken record.

The memory's too vivid. I remember seeing the girl who was on the other side of the street move. I thought she was conscious and just sobbing out of pain. Wrong. She was having a seizure. It scared the shit out of me. And then there was that girl who skidded god knows how many feet. I remember seeing her Chucks fly up the street. I remember seeing it land, too. And then I also remember them moving her, as I silently thought to myself that they shouldn't have done that. They carried her to a jeep, and I remember seeing her limp arms flail around useless, a trickle of blood coming from the right side of her head. The right side of her head...which was full of blood.

And then it was over. And Mark, JP and I just sat there..still waiting for Carmen. The other cars passed by a few minutes later, some of them grinning silly in their cars, completely oblivious of the accident that occurred just minutes earlier. Oh god.

Too vivid. Too fucking vivid.

But good news is..they're okay. They lost a lot of blood. A lot of injuries. But I guess their stable. And while that's suppose to make me feel better. I still don't.. :(

Life's too short. It's short, full of surprises..and totally disposable. At any time. At any place. A place like accident-prone Taft.. :|

The S-Files: Definition of being Single

Let me give a shout out to those people who are single. It's not as bad as some of you may think it to be.

First of all, can I just point out that people in a relationship are probably more miserable than those who aren't in one. But then again, that may not be true in all cases. But the point is this--happiness does not solely lie on being single or not. If it's not my first point, it's probably my only point.

But define what is being single. Why do people say "I'm 30 and still single", "I'm single and ready to mingle." or "I'm single and ready to jingle!"? This singularity thing.. does it all boil down to being in a relationship? In layman's terms, maybe so. Maybe that is the ultimate definition of being single. Not being in a relationship. Not having a girlfriend, a boyfriend, a significant other. Hmmm..all right, I can go with that.

What bothers me most, however, is the fact that people attribute being single to being miserable. "Single" and "miserable", in all my encounters with dictionaries and thesauruses, have never been synonyms to one another. And there will never come a time that they will be.

To all my single ladies out there, be a woman and recognize your independence. We do not need a man to be happy. The only reason that there are people who whine about being single and miserable is because we have succumbed to appealing to the common opinion that single women are probably lonely and miserable. I beg to differ.

I realized this a week ago when i was convinced that I have been single far too long and therefore, must be the explanation for my "down moments". But a little later on, after spending a lot of time with my thoughts, I have come to terms with what's really wrong with me and it has nothing at all to do with being single.

However, I also recognize the fact that we are only human and that more often than not, most of us yearn for companionship. The point of this post is not to argue or contest with that fact. The only point here is to celebrate being single while you still are single. The beautiful and ugly truth is that this is the time that we have to recognize that there is still so much more to know about ourselves before we can be completely honest and open to someone else. We, then, have to recognize that we are an individual and that we can be independent, that we ARE independent. And that we do not need to find someone to complete us, because we have to recognize that we are already WHOLE.

In the instances that we have failed to recognize these things, as is the case with many, the relationships we get into often end up in crumbs. We end up becoming too needy, or too aloof. We end up becoming dissatisfied, discovering that what we thought was our fairytale...is nothing really but just another story. We end up feeling cheated, because we find out that the gold mine we thought we found is nothing but just another empty hole we fall into. We are happy for a number of moments...and maybe that's good. It's better to be happy for awhile than to be sad for the rest of our lives. But is this all we ever get? A few shots of happiness but never the whole bottle?

I want to believe that that is not the case. I think we deserve to get more than a few shots of happiness and that the biggest thing that prevents us from getting this is ourselves. So, I want to end this post with this reminder that--Before we are able to commit to anyone else, we have to learn how to commit to ourselves.


Also, another important thing to take always remember is that although you are single, you are not alone. :) So let's call this The S-Files. LOL ♥ ♥

ERASERHEADS ONE NIGHT ONLY

This just in: I AM OFFICIALLY A CAVEMAN.

Wasn't it around 5 to 6 years ago when I was that puny little rock chick in cargo pants, red Chucks and a shirt that says "FUCK OFF" moshpittin' and slammin' in Amoranto stadium? Or maybe just rockin' out and possibly getting buzzed at Purple Haze or Mayric's? Wasn't it then that I knew every date and place where the hottest gigs would be? Let me get straight to my very frustrating point. How in fuck's name can I not have known about the ERASERHEADS ONE NIGHT ONLY?

Ohh maaaaan. I have been dreaming about the possibility of this reunion since I was, what..7 or 8 years old. Gahh! Eraserheads, the most prominent Pinoy rock band of the 90's, will always have this special place in my heart. I can't stop cringing and screwing my face up at the thought of this.

ERASERHEADS ONE NIGHT ONLY

Eraserheads, one of the most successful and critically-acclaimed bands in the history of the Philippines music industry, has decided to get back together for one night only and relive the music and the moments. The band, composed of Ely Buendia, Buddy Zabala, Marcus Adoro and Raimund Marasigan, will be playing at Bonifacio Global City Open Field on August 30, 2008.

Here's the original post about it straight from OdysseyLive.Net :

August 27, 2008 Wednesday 5:46pm

A couple of minutes ago i got a message saying information that made me jump out of my seat! It said that another company has taken over the show of the Eraserheads reunion concert and that ticket prices have been changed to P800 and P1300! Immediately i made the call to the people in charge to find out if these reports were true...indeed they are!!!

Radiohead Media Solutions, Inc. announces the acquisition of the concert rights to the much awaited one-night-only Eraserheads reunion this coming Saturday, 30 August 2008. The Reunion is to be slated at the Bonifacio Global City Open Field. Brought to you by Radiohead Media Solutions, Inc. In cooperation with SonyBMG Music Entertainment Phil., Inc.

It has officially been confirmed that the Eraserheads One Night only Reunion concert has been taken over by Radiohead Media Solutions! After Marlboro pulled out, it seems like they took on the responsibility of doing the show and giving the fans what they want!!! Not only that, but ticket prices are also now at P800 and P1300. Tickets will be sold at ticketworld starting august 28 and you can call them for inquiries at 891-9999.

I know im the first one to release this info and many of you may not believe me but this news comes directly from a few very reliable sources!!! Believe it or not!!!

I'm sure I'm not the first one to say this..but don't we all wish that Eraserheads would just get back together for good and not just for one night?

I'm still distraught over this piece of news. I can't believe this is news to me. I'm probably the lamest person in Eheads' fanbase. Where have I been hiding, under a rock? I can't stop shaking my head.

Well obviously I won't be able to go to this concert since we will be celebrating Iris' birthday this August 30 as well...Well, cheers to this though. I might've came accross it REAL late. But this is awesome. And i will be drinking to this tomorrow night while I'm dancing it away on the dancefloor instead of rockin it in Global City. 23 Hours and Counting..and i am sitting here just wishing.

"Mom and I" Moments

One of my talents, probably like any other stereotyped woman, would be talking and arguing. What can I say I'm a "people person". I remember during my younger years, around 5 or 6 years old probably, I would already be able to converse with people twice or thrice my age. :) I remember finding other kids unusually dumb, and them finding me unusually maverick and loquacious. And then I started growing up and getting smarter, hence, developing my skill to not only argue but actually construct sound and better arguments. And eventually, almost mastering the skill to shut people up if they know what's good for them.

What used to be a talent, I can now call a skill. And skills are honed and perfected, you don't just acquire them. People ask, HOW? Well, it's simple. If you have a mom like mine--you either learn how to shut up or talk more. :D (I would put "talk back", but then that would sound disrespectful. They're healthy arguments.)

"The EVERY MORNING Conversation"

Before I leave the house for school..
Mom: Where are you going, to the mall?
Me: (I shut up and change what I'm wearing.)
Mom: Why won't you wear rubber shoes?
Me: RIIIGHT. I'm not wearing rubber shoes to school.
Mom: Edi basta wag ka lang mag-tsinelas! (Then just don't wear slippers!)
Me: Flip-flops! You bought them. HA-VA-IANAS!
Mom: They're 1000 pesos slippers! Tsinelas pa rin yan! (They're still slippers!)
Dad: (covers his ears) nanananananana..

In the car, nearing school..
Mom: See, look at that girl, she's wearing shirts, jeans and sneakers.
Me: She's a walking fashion disaster. I want to look better than that.
Mom: At least hindi nakasilip mga daliri niya sa paa. (At least her toes aren't peeking out.) It looks better.
Me: (SIGHS LOUDLY)
Mom: Kita mo? You're the only one wearing slippers.
(And then a large group of students exit the building, majority wearing flip-flops.)
Me: WOOOOOW! I am the only one wearing slippers!
Dad: (SIGHS LOUDLY)

Oh man.
We have so much arguments, I was thinking of them awhile ago but then I can't remember them now. I'll update this post later on. :)

But I love my mom so much. She's like my bestfriend and my sister. She's given me so much and the truth of the matter is, even if I hide things from her, I can really tell her everything. I just choose not to. Even if I know she'd understand. But eventually, I usually end up telling her what's bothering me. It's just that there are times I just want her to listen but she won't shut up. Haha. The truth stings, especially when it comes from her. But then again, that's what moms are for.

"We're VERY OPEN to each other..."

Around 2am in the morning before we sleep...
(We were talking about a lot of things before this..)
Mom: Do you cut class?
Me: Sometimes...
Mom: Do you go drinking?
Me: Sometimes...
Mom: Do you smoke?
Me: (Really long pause.) Sometimes.....
Mom: Gusto mo ng batok? (Do you want me to hit you?)
Me: Um, sometimes...?
(Laugh Laugh Laugh)

Another part of that conversation...
(This time i decide not to share. Too delicate. Haha)
Mom: So do you like anyone?
Me: Nope.
Mom: Really? Crushes?
Me: Nope. Nope. Wala.
Mom: Is anyone courting you?
Me: No one.
Mom: Really? Like you? Have a crush on you?
Me: There's really none at all. NADA.
Mom: Hmmm..maybe because you have the "Touch-Me-Not" thing going on.
Me: WHAT?! Ano?
Mom: Yeah, you're so mataray (snobbish). I bet they're intimidated to go near you.
Me: WHAAAAT? No kaya.
Mom: Yup kaya.
Hahaha! Laugh Laugh. :p

"But I worry, HER AGE is showing!"
But then like I said, I eventually end up telling her.
Still the same conversation. i end up telling her about this guy I llike.
Me: He's so cute. And he's soooo hot.
Mom: Aww, but he doesn't know you?
Me: What? Of course he does.
Mom: Does he like you?
Me: I'm pretty sure he does.
Mom: What? And how would you know?
Me: Because he's hitting on me. So was hitting on me.
Mom: What? Ano? He HITS you?!?
Me: NOO! Hahahaha. No. Flirting, mom. Flirtingggg.
Mom: Ohhhh...


Haha. See. I love my mom. I ♥ her sooo much. LMAO.
Good times..good times.

My "Foggy Bottom" Friends

OH MY GOSH. I WAS BROWSING THROUGH SOME OLD PHOTOS...
AND I FOUND THIS!

I mean, it's not like I haven't seen this pic in forever. But.. this time that I saw it, it felt different. It's like.. WHERE DID THE TIMES GO?

We all look so young in this picture. I mean, it's just in this picture that we all look like this. We look like elementary girls, jeeez. But it's all right. It brings back a lot of sentiment with it. :) Those were the days when there was still the "cyber lounge" in Southville and the Smokey stand! And who could forget how addicted some if not most us were on those damn corndogs. Ahh, yes. That's what I really miss..the corndog. LOL.

Before I transferred to Southville, I had other friends. With the exception of Joanne and Jamie, I guess as good chums as my former friends were..they were all fleeting and temporary. Oh they were great drinking buddies, and fun to be with no doubt about that at all. Some I could even call true friends, or at least had the potential to be. But then, since they're now part of my old life..I guess never can tell. But with these girls...I swear it, I will never turn my back on them.



I mean, seriously? If you don't already know this about me, I have a biiig tendency to become sort of a loner. Before, I'd actually survive without much contact from the outside world. I wouldn't mind so much to text my friends and people, ask them how the hell they're doing or just a plain ol' "Hello". (note: these were pre-Southville times) But then I made new friends, and met these wonderful girls and as different as I was from them, we managed to get along great. And I guess what I got out of meeting them was more than friendship that's to be cherished but they taught me how to be open, and warm-er. They sort of brought out the life in me, that was already slowly being drained out of me then. And I kid you not. I exaggerate not.

I've met a lot of colorful people in life. Yes, a lot more colorful than my friends. But as I would soon realize later on, colorful people were not what I needed. Colorful people tend to be...temporary. Fleeting and temporary, as what I said earlier. There were a lot of times that I was with people so colorful, and my world was bombarded with so much colors...I started seeing black and white. Turns out is that some cliches really are true, in this case "too much of anything is never really a good thing" (or however that line goes).

Moving into a new group of friends horrified me. And I dreaded meeting these new people. What it felt like to me was that I was moving out of glamourville New York or Paris and into some obscure suburb called "Foggy Bottom" or "Blow-Me-Down" Valley. Paris would be my Manila friends, the ones who I had non-stop rockin and rollin and paintin-the-town-red with. True enough, my Manila friends would be the catwalkin' Parisians/New Yorkers who would easily stab you in the back for fortune and fame. And my "Foggy Bottom" people would be these ladies who would teach me about home and friendship and all things huggable and fuzzy. (And all the same still rock n roll n crunk out with! :D )

I know the analogies are too much. But I just can't help it. I don't want to write down things such as "they taught me how to be a better person". It just doesn't work that way. There are so many angles to it that analogies are the best way to go. :p

I just finished re-reading my post. Amazing. I managed to talk about missing corndogs and somehow I stirred my way down into memory lane. So as much as I'd want to get into details of the warm and the fuzz and the shizzles, I won't for now. Maybe I'll save it for another post. Or maybe I'll just keep it to myself.

My "Foggy Bottom" friends...ah, love. They're like the sisters I never had. :) They kept my crayola box intact and my coloring book still wonderfully colored. They keep me from taking out too much crayons I won't really need and just end up coloring my book ugly or worse, end up losing my crayons (oh no!). :D

Eeep. So here's a shout out to ma beautiful ladies I love so much:

IRIS JANNA GIA ULA LORA
TRISHA JENELLE MAYUMI

Shocked. Amused. Appalled.

I don't have the whole back story on this, so forgive me if I get some details wrong. But I am seriously shocked, amused and appalled... Haha.

Let's start off with a pretty picture. :)

What is she wearing? No, she's not a girl scout master. :)
It's SISC's ALL-NEW I.B. UNIFORM!

Sooo..how do I say this?
Shocked. Appalled. Amused.

"SHOCKED!"

The uniform is...Oh God! If A.I.'s Simon Cowell was a judge, he'd probably say something like "You look you're wearing something you picked out from your grandmother's closet." Yes, complete with the British accent and that smirk on his face. Or maybe he'd say something like, "That is probably the most awful outfit I've ever seen. Horrible. It's a complete disaster." Or maybe Fab Five's Carson Cresley would just look absolutely mortified and whisper to the I.B. uniform, "Hold on! Mommy's gonna send for help. You stay right there."


On a more serious note, the uniform is pretty disappointing. I can imagine the I.B. students all huddled up together, crossing the street and some kid in a car would just point at them and say, "Look Mommy! A forest!". :|

The colors totally clash. I mean, as ifmint green isn't bad enough. Apparently it's not, they just had to pair it up with khakis. Oh wait, I forgot. It's a SKORT.

SOMEONE GO GET THE FASHION POLICE! It's a fashion faux pas!! Eeeep.
Okay enough.

So yes, the new uniform shocked me. Let's move on.

"AMUSED."

The old uniform was so much better. I don't know why they decided to change it. But, whatever. If there's one thing I learned with the decision making that happens in Southville, sometimes you have to learn how to LET IT GO. And of course, somehow find yourself a detour and work your way around it. Shhhhh...

Anyway, since a new batch of I.B. students are coming in and expecting to be wearing the old uniform and instead got that uniform...well, I guess you can say that they have pretty strong opinions about it. Haha.

I'm not sure who else is going to be part of the I.B.-1 batch for academic year o8-09, but majority of them are Mayumi's group of friends. And needless to say, I find their barkada to be a colorful set of people. I'm not close to them, but I do find them very entertaining. And the few times that I've gone with them, I can say that they're great company.

So I was reading their comments in facebook, and let me tell you that I was laughing if not guffawing at the comments. Let me post some of em here for ya:

DIANNE YAP:
mayumi is this the new boys uniform? AHAHHAAHH

JUNICE SCHREIBER:
lets prepare our sticks with roasted marshmallows and our little lamp and backpacks... maybe we can even hire some flies para mas maganda props.

DIANNE YAP:
HIRE SOME FLIES???? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA DUDEEEE!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA YOU CATCH FLIES! YOU DON`T HIRE THEM!

MAYUMI NAOE:
i wanna hire a hitman. hehehehehe >:} to take out those fools who approved the design..

DIANNE YAP:
what`s a hitman

MAYUMI NAOE:
hahaha someone who is hired to take out people :)

JUNICE SCHREIBER:
haahhahahhahahhaaahhahhahhahaha

LOL. Amusing. Here's the link: Click hurrr.

"APPALLED!!"

I wouldn't call the uniform fugly. But if I had to wear it? Yes, I would complain. Not file a formal complain..or maybe I would've. But nevertheless, a few groans here and there. A few insults here and there. I can so imagine Iris and I dissing it if that was our uniform.

But imagine my shock when I heard that someone printed out the whole thing at Facebook and gave it to the Discipline Office. And then imagine my jaw drop when I heard that the Discipline Office is actually putting these kids under probation because of their comments. I can't believe that they would actually entertain something so trivial as this. It's very petty. I guess I can't blame the school for reprimanding them, but to actually say that they might be suspended because of this? I'm sorry now but that's just complete bullshit.

School has not even started and they're already giving a disciplinary case to them? What the shit is that? I'm not saying that just because school has not yet started that the rules don't have to be implemented. But what rules exactly are they breaking here? Sure they've been going, "I'm gonna kill whoever approved this design." They're nothing but a bunch of harmless complains, ridicules and banters from a couple of teenagers. I'd expect a more professional and mature response from the school.

I have a high respect for some of the authorities over at Southville. So let's not name names. But when I heard one personnel question one of the students about their love for the school, implying that because she has been dissing and insulting the poor choice of uniform design, then she must hate the school...I was like, Say That Again.

When I heard this, well..according to my good professor's words, "My Internal Bullshit Meter (IBM) just went totally haywire". Just because you dislike a part of something, doesn't mean you hate the whole. In the same logic that just because a student doesn't like the teacher doesn't mean that the student hates the subject or vice versa. In the same sense that just because someone hates the fact that she has a flat chest or a big nose doesn't mean that she hates herself. Because saying so would be a complete fallacy.

It's a bit disappointing. I shared this bit to my parents and they couldn't believe it either. According to them, "I can't believe na pinatulan pa nila yung ganong issue." Which is my point exactly. You can't go on pleasing everyone. And a lot of students in Southville hate the uniform anyway, the I.B. one and the normal one. But you can't go around hunting down these students who hate the uniform and then suspend them. Under what grounds? For hating the uniform, which they so smartly interpet as hating the school?

Jeez, what do we do then with the blue-blooded Ateneans who are stuck enrolled in De La Salle? Oh my god! Should DLSU suspend them too because at the all important DLSU v ADMU game they were sitting over at the Eagles' side and openly dissing La Salle? OF COURSE NOT. Oooh, big shocker there.

They are making a big issue out of nothing. And to whoever printed the conversation and gave it to the Discipline Office, I just want that person to know...that for someone who's studying in I.B. that was a really stupid and idiotic thing to do. Not only is it none of your business, but you could've done such a better job at addressing whatever problem you saw. I understand that you guys love Sir Andre a lot, and make no mistake that I look up to him and have such a high regard for him, but what you did makes you really stupid and insolent and a moron.

Lemme reply :]]

you people love secrets and mysteries dont you :))

well, to the one who asked, "Are you on drugs? Is that why you need to quit?"
NO I AM NOT ON DRUGS. Funny shit. Lol. I'm clean people. I've got enough highs to keep me flyy. I don't need drugs for that. Haha.

okay, second..why post about if i'm not going to share at all?
Well..because I need to organize my thoughts. And writing is the best way I can do that. It's more like..venting out and less on the sharing side. Uhh..and..yeah. Lol. But seriously? I think I have the right to my privacy and be discreet. :p

and to those who reacted.."what the fuck?!" "bitin ka!" "you're weird."
Weeeeellll....what can i say? Haha. Sorry. That's all I can say.


So i'll try not to post anything more about "that subject" and this will be the last of it. And I'd like to end it with two words. I've made my decision..and I hope it sticks.

I QUIT! :p

i'm strung out on..who? <3

Oooh.. i just realized that Closer was not the perfect song. LOL. Turns out it's another Ne-Yo song... Because of You is the more appropriate song. Haha!

Want to, but I can’t help it
I love the way it feels,
It’s got me stuck between my fantasy and what is real
I need it when I want it, I want it when I don’t
Tell myself I’ll stop everyday, knowin’ that I won't

I rode home with Janna today.. we were talking about my stuff and shit like that. I mean, these small talks are so repetitive and i've been telling her and complaining to her over and over and over. I love it that she doesn't mind. :p So I told her, somethin like this

Trish: Buti na lang I'm single...
Janna: Yeah kasi if not kawawa boyfriend mo.
Trish: No. I'm not like that if may commitment.
Janna: Yeah but it's not yet the right time. It's fun to be single.
(both of us pause)
Both: Yeahh...

Funny. But seriously, I won't be posting about this on a..uh, regular day. But I sort of need to organize my thoughts. I'm feeling all twisty mentally and maybe even a bit emotionally. But on the emotional note, it's nothing too serious. Just a couple of thoughts i'm playing with. A couple of possibilities i'm juggling around.

Oh dilemma. I need it when I want it, I want it when I don't. There's not a lot of choices there, huh? :p I'm tellin myself to stop, just like I did a couple of weeks ago, or months. But I know that's never gonna happen.

I got a problem an' I (don’t know what to do about it)
Even if I did, I don’t know if I would quit but I doubt it.
I’m Taken by the thought of it

When to quit? That's the problem. Most often, we gotta know when to pull back. We gotta know when enough is enough. In history, a lot of men, great and un-great, went down because they didn't know when it was time to turn around and quit. Or even if they knew it, they didn't do it anyway.

Ah.. ambition IS fatal. enemy to success. haha. But without the ambition in the first place, where would the drive be? Check me out, i'm on overdrive. Oh dear..INSATIABILITY is what i'm feeling.

Think of it ev'ry second
I can't get nothin' done
Only concern is the next time... I’m gonna get me some
'Know I should stay away from, 'cause it's no good for me
I try an' try but my obsession... won't let me leave

I can't get these thoughts out of my head. I'm prolly not making sense to anyone who reads this. Only Iris and Janna know what the shit is going on with me right now. I'm not making a big deal. It's not so much a problem as people might be thinking it is. It's actually very amusing. The situation's very light and humorous. And one day, imma be lookin back and imma remember and imma be like, good times good times eh. Hahaha!

Oh aside from Iris and Janna, another guy also knows. Haha. He doesn't know a lot of details though, but he knows the story in general. He doesn't know the specifics..like the names, the history, the places, the events, whatever. But needless, it was funny when I told him and he gave me his advice. He told me to not take anything less than what I deserve. It was helluh funny. Can't put the whole thing here, it's a dead giveaway. But i looooove it! Haha.

And I know this much is true
Baby, you have become my addiction
I’m so strung out on you
I can barely move

There's the addiction, yes. But oh..i'm so strung out on who. :p

Just a note, to anyone who's a someone...don't get worried okay. And no violent reactions. I know it sounds a bit, umm..like a real dilemma. But if I get my head straight and together and all that, there's no dilemma. Just a lot of thoughts and possibilities that I'm toying around with. :) And i just can't help but think about em. Since they're so damn possible! Haha. :D

spoiled. :/

i normally don't sound like this. so forgive forgive, if i sound like a spoiled unfeeling bitch. :-/ so shallow, too.


you know how they say you can't always get what you want? well, yeah. i've heard it.


but the thing is. when it comes to some things..SOME things, in particular..i always get what i want. even if i don't get it WHEN i want it. but rest assured, i HAVE to get it. it's a high. we all have our highs..this is one of mine.


i don't know when to pull away, or when to say no. ah, but don't we all? i don't know when the game's done..coz for me it ain't done, till i win. sigh. HAAAY!!


that's why i'm always in a dilemma when 'situation' comes. it drives me insane. i hate it. i don't go looking for these things to just happen to me, you know? but it doesn't change a thing now does it? i still end up finding myself in these situations. it still happens. and then, obssession..


like hell, it is.
i can't not have it..


kinda like do or die.
tough luck.

I WANT IT JUST BECAUSE I KNOW I CAN.

aw, i hate this feeling talaga.
i wish i could get down and specific to the details so i won't be rambling about some mambo jambo..but sorry folks, even a little info is already too much info. lols.

i have this thing with winning. it can't be helped. :) but haven't you ever had that feeling that you know you can have something, but there's just a teensy-bitsy bit of detail standing in your way. and from your point of view, it's not even that important at all. but nevertheless, we are given the choice to respect it and walk away. or just go for the gold anyway.


and maybe when i say go for the gold, i don't have any intention of keeping "it". maybe just spend a few days, enjoy and play with it. it has nothing at all to do with who owns it, just a matter of being able to have it coz you can..not coz you want it.


after all, that's the only reason you want it anyway, because you can. and when you're done with it, the shine and shimmer that seemed to attract you to it in the first place, is just a thing of the past...

(i'm adding this next part 7 hours after i originally posted this:)
i can't get any into any more detail.. you folks might find out what i'm talking about. lol. or WHO. :p curious friends, you will never know. LOL. someone's already asking me who. sorry, babe.

here's a song.. fits just right. (turn the music off at the right hand side of the page if ur gonna play this vid.)

Closer - Ne-Yo

this week. hangover week. <3

well, it's a saturday today. my head hurts.
let's a have a look-see what happened to me this week..

since my classes in dlsu are only from mondays to thursdays, you can imagine it going by pretty fast. oh but SIGH ..sometimes it doesn't seem to be fast enough. Just like any other teenager, one can't wait for the weekend to come fast enough. And for me, my weekend starts at thursday night. yea-yuhhh. hehe.

Oh dear, but this week. Since the flyyy july party last saturday... I drank sunday night. monday night. and then tuesday night. Hence going to school half-tipsy and uber hungover on a monday morning, a tuesday morning and a wednesday morning. Oh dearrrr.. talk about getting all crunked up.

I could try explaining why i've been drinking so much. And eating so much. And bumming so much. And later on I realized, gaining weight so much. But please, I'd rather not. Not because I don't need to explain myself, but because I don't have any explanation at all. Haha. I've been a little lost lately. And that's entirely another story. :)

tomorrow's another week. so when i sleep tonight..and wake up to a sunday. SIGHHH.
i hate waking up to sundays. and mondays.

Oh Penguins.

Penguins, don't we just love them. For a reason more than just because they're adorable, but because in one aspect of life, they're actually better than us. Because when they find their mate, they mate for life. I'm betting they don't feel as lost as most of us do with relationships.

Good, enduring relationships don't just happen. There are no cupids, no fairy godmothers. It's a work of art that requires patience, intelligence, and just a lot of other things we most can't be bothered about. Hence, the bad and non-enduring relationships.

It almost sounds like a cliche when people ask me what's my perfect guy's anatomy. It makes me want to purge myself, sort of. I've never really figured it out.

It's been three years since my last. And i don't think that this year will be any different. So in advance, i can say...it's been four years since my last actual relationship. But who's in a hurry?
I've been dating, sure.

Some dating i've been doing. I roll my eyes at that. I'm at the height of my "easy-come-easy-dump" syndrome. No one has ever reached a second date... :/ Or more than two weeks for that matter. I don't know what to say..except that, i guess i really am not in a hurry contrary to what people may think being single for as long as i've been single.

Dead Blogger.

Well, Gia just accused me of being a dead blogger. So here I am rising back to life and typing away to blogger's paradise.

Anyway, sorry if I haven't been writing at all lately. Apparently, Gia checks out my blog more than I do.

LOL. :))

I have a lot of things to share with college life and all that other crap. So yeah, stay tuned. Haha.

The Afterlife: The Life After Life.

Why do people obsess so much about the after life? We call them suicidal. But why do they become suicidal? Is it just so much about ending their miserable lives, or is there something more? They're not so different from us, nor are we from them. We are all looking for answers. And we do stupid things in hopes of getting them.

There was a time, I sort of used to be suicidal. Or so they say. But how i felt then was that it wasn't really about ending life. It was merely the thought of ending it that seemed so attractive. There's that concept; it was that idiotic thought that you'd eventually end up somewhere where it doesn't hurt, where you're no longer in pain, where you're not miserable, where you are finally at peace. Even for just a moment.

And then there is also that clarity thing going on as you bleed out and then you feel stupid. And you just sort of know there's no such place. It doesn't get any clearer than that. All of a sudden, our technicolor worlds become oversimplified. And for a moment there is silence and utter simplicity, where there are no grey areas. Just plain black and white.

The solutions to all our problem become so simple. And you feel like you can do anything. And you just sort of know what's right and what isn't. What we thought to be so complicated, in truth, really isn't. But then the feeling goes away. That feeling of godliness the you could conquer all...as good as it feels, it goes away. And then we're back to our technicolored world, where everything is complex and nothing can be simplified, much less oversimplified.

So this human obsession about the life after life, it's not really about dying. We take away moments from this life to experience a good 90 seconds in the one after it. And in those moments, they literally take our breaths away.They literally make our hearts stop. And in the irony of it all, we understand completely what it's like to live and what it's like to love. And those are best 90 seconds of our lives.

Pissed.

So, I've been thinking about nothing for the past few days except this one thing that's been tugging at me since...since I've started thinking about it. Okay, that's not entirely true. Knowing me, I can't exactly be just thinking of one thing. But for the sake of emphasis, let's stick to that.

FRESHMEN ELECTIONS.


I've recently joined one of the two socio-political parties. TAPAT. (i'll post more about it later on.) So i have decided that I am going to run for Batch Representative for the upcoming Freshmen Elections. But there's a little something getting in my way, my parents. Okay, maybe it's not just a little something.

They don't want me to run.

So there are two obvious solutions to that problem. Either of which I'm not so ecstatic about.
First: I could simply be a GOOD DAUGHTER and NOT RUN. Or..
Second: I could simply be ME and JUST RUN.

And knowing my parents, and the way they know me. I think they'd be expecting that I might just do the second choice. And while I am almost all for it, I'd like to think that I'm done with that sneaking behind their back schemes.

Sure, there's that third option I could negotiate and re-negotiate until they eventually give up, resign and realize that there's no winning that debate...But here's the thing, there's something else.

I have to go to trainings and sessions for TAPAT, which I have no problem. But they obviously do. It starts late, and finishes even later. And they just hate the fact that I actually have to go home late, with no means of going home. It's like a replay of highschool when I was SC President. But only this time, it's farther.

No means of going home. That is of course only true by their definition that they can't pick me up. Of course I'm not expecting them to pick me up. That would be absurd and insensitive. They have work and they'd get tired and I am just simply not about to put them through that.

So my solution? Well, i could always find someone who lives somewhere near me and ride home with them. There are a number of people I could hitch with. Or there are those buses that conveniently pass right in front of La Salle! It's a one-way ride home. OR as my last option, I could go home to Gastambide, my other house, which is way nearer to school. Although i'd still commute, but nevertheless it would be nearer.

And of course, as stubborn as they are...those aren't even options. So like I said, by their definition, I don't have any means of going home. You can imagine how I feel about this whole situation. Bullshit.

I get the fact that they think I won't be able to prioritize once again. It would be a replay of last year. I don't know how to balance my priorities. I'd prioritize council again. I'd forget my studies. I won't get to be Dean's Lister just like I wasn't able to get valedictorian or whatever. It's the same old reasons. I understand how they're thinking of my safety, that's why they won't just let me ride with anyone else and especially commute. I get all of it.

This is really pissing me off. I know I might be getting ahead of myself, I mean it's not even sure that I'll pass the convention and get to represent and run for TAPAT. And even if I do, it's not even sure that I'll win the elections. But that's not the point.

I get the goals that they're setting for me and that they want me to set those goals for myself. I get that they want me to be a consistent DL and that they want me to graduate cum laude or whatever. They don't want me to look back and regret that I didn't work hard enough for those goals because I decided to split my focus on other priorities. But this isn't just about getting high grades.

They say they don't pay for my tuition so I could run for council and eventually end up as council president. They do it so I could get good grades. I can't even begin to tell them how totally authoritarian that sounds. And even more importantly how very single-minded it is.

My belief is that we go and attend universities to be more capable human beings. And while getting good grades is part of it, it doesn't end there. In fact, it's just a small part of an even bigger picture.

I attended a recent session by TAPAT and we were given a talk. And I especially liked this one bit where the speaker said something like despite all the awards and achievements you'll receive, it's different to graduate with the awards than graduating with a whole community by your name. And that the latter bears more meaning with it.

It's different. Being a leader, being a torch-bearer and at the same time serving a community...that's where my passion lies. There were times that I thought I couldn't bear the responsibility anymore and that the burden seemed to be too much for one person to bear. Sure, the climb was hard, but getting to the top was a feeling like no other. It's what makes me happy. It gives me a sense of fulfillment like no other. Working hard at a job and committing to it, it's like a high to me. It's almost euphoric.

It makes me feel like I'm a part of something bigger. And what's so great about it is that I really am part of something bigger than me. It's more than just being under a constant leadership training, but more importantly it humbles me.

How I feel is that this is what makes me...ME. This is my calling and there's no other way to explain it. All our lives, people search for life, for it's meaning, for something that makes them feel worth it. It's that high we're looking for. And this is mine.

I can't ever imagine just studying and feeling like any other ordinary student. And that's what they expect me to be, or at least for this freshman year. I don't know. But even if it's just for a year, I can't be that kind of person just being a regular bum. I need to be part of something. I need to work on something. They might contest that excelling as a student is not being an ordinary student, but the way I see it: you're just an ordinary student with good grades. And it ends there. It's superficial. Knowledge is not just about getting good grades, it's how well you learn and apply it to your life.

So you know..fuck it. Sigh.

Update Schmuckdate.

It's been a while since I've last updated my page. But like I said at the very beginning, there was no guarantee that this site would last. It was bound to end up like all my other blog spaces--inactive, unupdated, stagnant, & useless. It's like a journal that I hid somewhere and forgot it ever existed.

But for the sake of continuity, I'll delay what I really have to vent out and type out in hopes of calming my nerves to actually update what has been going on and where i have been the last couple of days, weeks and months.

So, for the sake of continuity. I'm happy to report that I am now in DE LA SALLE-MANILA. I am now officially green-blooded and trotting around the DLSU campus. I still ended up taking a pre-law course. Ha! And i'm taking double majors: Political Science and Legal Management. Yes, i belong to my rightful college, the college of Liberal Arts, where the eloquent and the fervid are. Or at least I'd like to think so.

I am feeling a bit not myself right now. Pissed, is more like it. So let me delay no longer and let me pour out my burning, ardent feelings of pissed-ness.

This "Existing" Thing

I DON'T KNOW WHICH IS THE NIGHTMARE--THE ONE I'M WAKING UP FROM, OR THE ONE I'M WAKING UP TO...
(sigh)

No, there's no drama going on here. No EMO factor. Just plain words. Just plain thoughts. Straight right out of my head. It's all me. JUST ME.

I don't really know about the others. But I've always had this "just existing, not living" sort of thing. It's not a day-to-day dilemma. But it's just this feeling that comes every once in awhile. When I sit back, and sigh. And I look at the world, as if through a kaleidoscope. It's like a continuum of shapes and patterns and colors... And I can't find reason for the shapes, and the patterns, and the colors.

It just feels like existence is so...FUTILE.

Something is lacking. Something is not right. Maybe something is just out of place. Either way, there's something wrong.

Make no mistake. There IS something wrong...if one can't find meaning for living.

No, it's not about dying. Or wanting to die. It's about wanting to live but not finding enough reason to want it. It's just it. Existence, and the futility of it.

but just like any other feeling... it passes.
i'm sure. i mean, it has to..

Trish Thinks About College (oh boy..)

MARCH 04, 2008, TUESDAY, 11:18 PM

Okay. So here I am EIGHT freaking days towards the end of the official school year.
Yeah, towards the end. It is the end all right. No, I won't go into my whims of leaving high school. Because if I don't pick a college soon, I might as well stay in high school. (Ah, and not to mention because I'm not yet done with my thesis, which is by the way a pre-requisite for graduating.) Haha. Silly silly.

Oh dear.

I hate regretting slacking off. But I did anyway. Who the hell gets lazy to fix their requirements for college applications? Well, apparently I DO. Congratulations to me. Ah, but I do have two great choices for universities.

ATENEO DE MANILA UNIVERSITY
or
DE LA SALLE UNIVERSITY

It's not much of a choice really. LOL. I'm a Green Archer at heart. Oh but ADMU has a better campus. I mean, the atmosphere and the feel of the campus.. is so, uh, campus-like. Haha. But nevertheless, DLSU has outstanding facilities. But here's the thing. DLSU is a good school. But it's a better known school for business and such. While ADMU, on the other hand, is best known for it's pre-law courses and such. And pre-law courses are my top choices.


I mean, somewhere in the field of law slash politics, that's where I can see myself in the near future. Or maybe working in a magazine as a writer. But I'd rather do that part time. Ah, but enough about my dreams and aspirations. How can I even begin pursuing them, I don't have a college!!


I can't believe I didn't take the DLSU entrance exam. Oh, which leads us to my next dilemma. LOL! Since I only took the Ateneo College Entrance Exam, that's the only school I'm actually able to enroll to. But I have this special schedule for the La Salle Exam, but...uh, I haven't quite taken care of the paperwork I need to fully secure that slot. I have it reserved for me, but it's been a while since they asked me to submit some papers that I haven't submitted. And the test is on April 16. And..Oh dear. I don't knooow. Haha.


I don't really want to go to Ateneo. But I'm not exactly dying to get into La Salle either. As of the moment, i'm just helluh excited to be getting out of highschool. But, yeah..this is my dilemma. LoL. I kinda envisioned myself to be studying abroad for college. But that's a whole new story about me being lazy again. Oh jeez.



Oh sheeeeesh. This sloth syndrome has got to stop. I swear. Haha.

Happy Tree Friends :)

Movie or show ratings--G, PG13, PG18, R18, etc.
Ah.. but have you ever heard of CV? Lols. It stands for Cartoon Violence.

From Mondo Media comes a brilliant but twisted cartoon show. It's definitely not made for small kids or big babies. Lol. It's amusing and cute..and barbaric and morbid. LOL. If you've never heard of Happy Tree Friends... maaaahn, where have you been all your life? Haha. If you like South Park for the reason that Kenny keeps on dying, I recommend you watch HTF. Haha.

I remember how I used to watch an episode of this at least once a day. It was part of my daily routine. Enjoy a short HTF episode. They usually last for only a few minutes...for a reason. Haha. Cute cuddly things... :))

You can check out their website and meet the cast that never dies, haha. They have all the episodes there. And it loads fast anyway. It's faster to access it there than watch it on YouTube.
Click this Link--> Happy Tree Friends Website

Here's one, but it's from YouTube so try letting it load completely first. This episode's called "Eye Candy" LMAO. But I kid you not, this one is sick. Haha :)) Enjoy!~